((((((((((((((((((peaches)))))))))))))))))

Yes, totally. And it makes therapy so hard, doesn't it??? Always having to rebuild that trust from scratch.

JUST yesterday, I had an "a-ha" moment when I really FELT like T is there, and will be there, and will be the same week in and week out for as long as I need him. I don't know why it suddenly struck me like that.

He and I spent a lot of time Tuesday and today talking about this summer and how hard it was for both of us. It was like the world's longest therapeutic rupture COMBINED with this hard core trauma work. Ugh. I think the fact that somehow, some way, we came out of that, still together and still connected made me believe deeper down that it's real...he's there, and I can trust him.

The only reason I got to that point (which may or may not last!) is because in the middle of all of the crap, I just kept showing up. Just like you're doing. Sometimes I think that's all we can do. And I finally just let myself be vulnerable...I started saying exactly what I was thinking no matter how embarrassing it is, or how scary, or how unrelated to what is going on right then. I think when I kept myself shut off, I could never really truly connect and FEEL that T is there and he cares. I knew it intellectually most of the time, but without FEELING it, I just couldn't hang on to it.

I'm really glad you asked for an extra session...good for you. I hope you get what you need out of it. I know things have been really hard lately.

Lots of to you!