((((Deli))))
About part 1: You are very much not alone in feeling that way. I also expect a lot from my session. Evenif I feel OK going in- something is said or not said or something gets brought up toward the end of the session and then the session ends. It could be anything- something more I want frm my t...the list is endless...but just like you said- I get depressed and start to think sui thoughts and wish she could read my mind how awful things are going here.
Any advice? Im thinking about what I have done.....b/c I KNOW I cannot leave feeling so bad. I have and then feeling sui after leaving therapy is horrible and hopeless. I think I have even said 1 word or sentence about what is going on inside my head. Just to say something to your t? I know it is pretty much impossible at some moments to say what is going on in your head. But to somehow communicate it. You said you are trying not to cry- can you just allow yourself to cry? That would communicate something. Your t would see that something is going on that can be talked about. I think I have actually said, "I dont want to leave here feeling suicidal." I also think in the past my t has taken me less seriously than she does now- that it is not some kind of bpd manipulation. Its better to take the risk, be uncomfortable and say it than have those kind of overwhelming compulsive thoughts then throughout the rest of the day. Your t could really then say something or whatever that would have made taking the risk very worth it. And you would then feel really good about the session.

Hope this made some sense.

about part 2- Jeez....I'd also go out for a drink with friends......this is a thought I have had in session when my t has gone on and on about something....maybe she sees Im in the twilight zone and just wants to pull me back in with ANY kind of conversation!

Anyway, Deli You are definitely not alone in feeling this way.....