I have nothing to add to that. It sucks beyond expression.

(but of course i feel compelled to)
***Possible trigger warning****

If I didn't live behind a hospital, I'd probably be constantly insecure about my moods getting out of control. True, they have no psych unit, but anyone can be transferred from there to one that does about 8 miles away. It's an impossible dilemma if you're broke and underinsured. (and it's wrong for me to probably say so, but i'd do what you are doing if I had kids). Like you, I don't care much about me anymore, but I wouldn't want to hurt my SO who I dearly love...and if I had kids, I would totally freak about what would happen and leaving behind that ? mark forever in their minds.

I'm glad that one way or another, you will get yourself well, even when people are not being terribly helpful. Why does it feel like the professionals are often an obstacle to our getting well? Argh. In the future they'll have robots to do their jobs much better. Little blood sample, little dna computer spew out diagnosis and the exact right med for your chemistry, diet, and exercise regime. Problem solved.

Keep us posted.