(((((((((((((((((((((((P7))))))))))))))))))))))))

NOT a pointless post...

I think when we are trying to avoid big feelings, it's so hard to let T in...we put up our big walls to protect ourselves and there's no way around them, no matter how hard T tries.

But those big walls that are protecting us from pain are also keeping out love, and caring, and support, and concern. We're still in pain, and we're alone too. It's our instinct to protect ourselves, but really, we're shutting ourselves off from what we need the most.

I had my walls up all summer, and it was painful and hard for me and for T. I *thought* it was better that way...that I was protected, that I would hurt less, that it was easier for T to not have to deal with me and my feelings. When I finally hit rock bottom and let T in, everything shifted.

It was SCARY and PAINFUL to let him in. I had to take a big risk and open up my heart and be honest and vulnerable. I didn't know what would happen, but I also didn't know what other choice I had at that point. And amazingly, when I was let myself just be vulnerable and let him in, everything shifted inside. I could finally FEEL his caring, and feel the connection that we have. I didn't feel alone anymore, or scared he was going to get tired of me or abandon me.

So, weirdly, by doing the very thing that I feared the most, a little bit of light got in, and a little something inside me started to heal.

I know your T cares about you. He wants to help you. I know it feels risky...but it's worth it. You deserve caring and support...can you let yourself have it??