I know it hurts so badly, I'm grieving a love right now too.

So here comes a bunch of ideas that I really know are easier to say than to do for myself and just take any part you like and ignore the rest.

Well my first reaction is that if they really were laughing at you and not just laughing for some reason and you were afraid it may be at you (I do this sort of thing), then ugg she sucks and isn't worth being broken up over. But I don't think that ever soothes anyone's heartache much.

Allow yourself to feel the pain of loss of what could have been, even if it was all an illusion and you weren't even loved as well as you thought. Or even if it really was because of your depression. Or any number of even ifs that you or she may never fully understand.

Allow yourself to feel the uncertainty and powerlessness and accept that it's there.

Be glad that you can love, and embrace that part of yourself, even if it only seems to be bringing pain right now. Allow yourself to see how the depression or anything else may have held back your ability to love as well as you might have liked and learn what you can from it, even if you can never make things right or go back and change things with her.