OH Catherine--I am so glad for you that you were able to have a good time, not let the gremlin take over and wear pearls!!!!! so really cool!!!

i am really scared to open the closet door. there are things inside there are are just too difficult to face. i'm trying to lock the door but all the stuff inside there is cracking the door--putting things in front to block it.....

"Fun time"---means the other shoe will quickly fall on my head...i become very hypervigilent and watch H's reactions to anything and everything for some sign of disapproval (doesn't come) and read into every expression, word and action......
yesterday i saw a friend i haven't seen in awhile and she commented that i looked happy and content --then ruined it by saying that i've gained weight--but is still looked happy..........so now, i am a fat but happy slob.
she meant no harm--just making a comment (she's just recently lost 30 lbs and is looking good).
kicked in alot of "stuff"------
so today i will spend 5 minutes writing resentments toward mother--and i am having a hard time b'cuz it makes me feel like crap to say anything against her---
i want to write more
but i feel the upset stomach and wanting to cry coming on and i don't dare go there......

thanks for reading
i don't exist anyway so it's ok not to answer.