Sorry that you're feeling torn and anxious. A regular MD can probably prescribe you an anti-anxiety like lorazepam (Ativan) or Valium, if you don't already have one. They're good for temporary relief in crisis situations. It's the only way I can sleep at all these days with my brain being so overstimulated. I get anxious too. When you feel anxious, impulsive, have heightened senses (clarity) and are sad, it can be a mixed episode. Don't get paranoid, but do keep an eye on your mood and thoughts. Stay safe.