Well I know I'm not up anymore. I'm feeling sad. Maybe I have a reason to. Stress usually triggers me. Its not as low as I have been but when you SI u know things aren't right. I know the tears will start. I feel them. The cloudy feeling in my brain. Its getting thicker. I hate that I can feel the changes physically. I sat at work just staring today. Had to push myself to get through it. Good things are happening to me yet I'm not as happy about them as I should. I can put on a face for a while but I know its going to get harder and harder. I'm feeling all the self loathing and disgust. *sigh* I don't know. I don't get it at times. It will end eventually. I dnt know when. I wish I cld put it on a time schedule. Ugh I've been binging. Dsnt help my mood. I dnt feel I can stop it. Ill make up for it later by not eating much. All my self depricating behaviors have a way of coming out when I'm down. It needs to stop. This roller coaste I want off.