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Originally Posted by catch
I'm Borderline personality disorder with some definite avoidant tendencies that I just don't know how to overcome.
I've met some really great people recently (as I have in the past) and would like to keep in touch with them. One is the real estate agent handling my new home purchase. I have no idea how to proceed once the house is ours. I suppose I can always call and invite her to coffee, but what then? Is it like dating? Do we move up to lunch, then dinner, then double dating? Movies and shopping?
I'm just so bad at making friends, being friends and staying friends and it has been so very long since I spent much time around women I barely even know how to "think" female any more. I haven't had a girlfriend to do things with since highschool, and that's 30 years ago. I feel like I'm so much different than other people, other women in particular, that they just won't get me and why go through the bother. I can't take the first step. I'm fine if someone else does, but unfortunately, no one else has in many years, which sort of reinforces my idea of I don't quite fit.
Any advice (other than "go for it") would be appreciated.
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One thing I try to do is set yourself up for success. That is, invite someone to do something small that you think will appeal to them (and yourself). Then you can try to get to know them better, and hopefully things will develop from there. One thing I think people with PDs (and/or also just people who are lonely) do is they overthink social relations, and/or place too much importance on the few connections they have (which can overwhelm the other, more "normal" party).
Another strategy which I hear recommended all the time, but which haven't tried myself, is to try to meet people through an activity which you enjoy, whatever that is, say hiking, knitting, going to jazz clubs, etc. Of course you have to figure out what those things are in the first place!
P.S. I also know what you're saying about "Go for it" advice. Don't force yourself until you are comfortable "going for it" on your terms, in your own time. You don't owe anything to anyone else in terms of being socially gung-ho and aggressive.