guess ill start at the begining.i am 45 and have had depression all my life but it was copable until i was 27 and had my 1st breakdown.ive been hospitalised several times n at times have been suicidal.i am on disability because of all this.from lookin at my medical papers that got me my disability they really scare me.depression,anxiety,obsessive,personality disorder,axis II personality disorder,social phobias ,fear of abandonment.....ect. all theres things are causing HUGE probs im my marriage.
i should say that i am in ontario canada and my husband lives in mississippi.i tried to go there but shortly after i got there he became unable to work n had to file for disability becuz of back probs b his nerves. he also suffers from depression and anxiety and other disorders also.
since i am in ontario and on disability i have full medical coverage n counselling resourses ect. all for free. since he has been outta work for over a year now he has nothing.no money,no medical,no counselling and has to live with his father n step mother and his father pays 4 everything for him..
my problem is this. i married this man and as any married couple i intended to spend the rest of my life with him.i know there is no1 to blame for him being unable to work but it hurts and i miss him terribly. he came here for a 2 month visit and a few weeks after he got here it all started to go so very wrong.we both began to get sick at the same time...depression anxiety ect.....not a good combination.
we have not really been able to live as man and wife.when i was in mississippi we lived with my inlaws and as a newly married couple we didnt live our lives.we lived their live n they r seiniors, so u can imagine how that went.
my depression and anxiety come out as anger. bad bad anger. i say terrible nasty things without thinking about the consequenses.his way of dealing with his illness and mine is tryin to push it away n not talk about it. i am pushing him away when asll i wanna do is pull him closer but it just a terrible mess.our only communication is by computer and im begining to feel im married to me comp. we r both getting to the point where we wanna talk to each other but dread turning on the puter cuz i always get extremely upset cuz of the situation n i miss him so bad and EVERY time we get into a huge argument and he ends up just ignoring me and just turning off his IM.
i have suggested yesterday that we have to stop talking as much.we r both at the point of havin a breakdown. it broke my heart to do this but i have blocked him on my IM,facebook and any other place we talk and have suggested we only communicate by email. and i will add that it is me that always looked to see if he was on Im or anywhere else and it was i that usually started the arguments.
i know this is an unusual situation with the 1200 mile between us and both of us having similal illnesses.i ahve tried anger management but my anxiety was so hight during that time i had a hard time sitting for the 2hr classes n couldnt absorb much they were trying to teach.
i just wanna know if any1 else has has a similiar situation with all this anger with depression and anxiety. if i dont do something about it i am just gonna push a good guy right outta my marriage that hasnt really had a chance to begin yet? PLEASE any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.