Food poisoning. Oh joy.

I won't be coming on here very often anymore, what with practically being banned from this place for what the abusive pr-ck did to me. Because apparently me staying at my flat ALONE is better for me (and him) than being here with people, smiling, laughing and generally enjoying life. I've snapped and become extremely angry.

I was setting up a tent with Connor on Saturday and flicked the fabric over my head and accidentally punched Connor in the stomach and he yelled at me, so I suddenly snapped, turned around and screeched at him that it was a f-cking accident and I didn't mean to do it I was just doing the godforsaken tent and that I thought he was over the other side and I didn't see him coming up behind me. So.. He stormed off and told me to f--k it, so I yelled some more and generally got extremely mad and caused myself as much pain as possible by pushing the pegs into the ground with my hand and not stopping til it hurt too much. I now have a sore hand, but I don't care.

I apologized later and almost cried I felt so guilty and he said he was more upset at the fact that I'd yelled at him so much when it's so out of character for me. Bleh. It was a good bbq, I had fun and laughed lots with friends, had a bit to drink and ate something but what i ate gave me food poisoning! My friend says it sounds like Salmonella, but I have to wait another couple of hours to see if it gets worse. The stomach cramps are horrendous, but I just keep pushing on as usual and pretending nothing is wrong.. The headaches are getting worse and I've got a fever, so I have to wait until about 7-8pm which was the time I ate it last night and if it is much worse, I have to go to hospital to see if it is Salmonella or just some other form of food poisoning.

I feel awful right now because it's really affecting me on top of everything else. I can barely eat a thing which isn't good for my ED. Sigh.

Give up sometimes! I was in tears last night and Connor was sleeping. It was a stupid thing to cry about but I just felt so useless and pathetic and rubbish. I hate being an angry person so I hated myself then and I still do now. I feel like I deserve to have food poisoning.