That sounds rough. I can see why you'd want to withdraw from everything, given how much pain your feel in your life right now. I also think, though, that your situation could be improved if you decide you want it to improve. You won't be the first person to come out of depression and anxiety or the last. Both of those have been studied by psychologists who have designed ways for you to understand, make peace with, and let go of your pain, slowly but surely.

If there's a therapist you can visit in your area, that would be great. Perhaps a book on grieving and anxiety management would serve you well too.

I know it seems insurmountable, like you just fell off a giant mountain and are now looking up to see how far you have to climb back up. Try and gather yourself and set a good, brisk hiking pace back up. You'll move a little every day until one day you'll realize you're all the way up and are stronger for having done it.