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Originally Posted by ThePainNeverDies
I won't be coming on here very often anymore, what with practically being banned from this place for what the abusive pr-ck did to me. Because apparently me staying at my flat ALONE is better for me (and him) than being here with people, smiling, laughing and generally enjoying life.
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What happened? It's been several days since you told us anything more, and it sounds like we're missing some of the story.
I've missed you. If worst comes to worst, I hope you'll find other ways to join us here.
I hope you get over the food poisoning quickly. BTW, do you happen to know if anyone else got it from eating the same things you did?
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I've snapped and become extremely angry.
I was setting up a tent with Connor on Saturday...
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Sounds like just the next thing coming up for you, hun. My hunch is, you'd mostly been taking it out on yourself or suppressing it before. Now that you're not doing those quite as much, you're getting to look at it more, trying out other ways to handle it, and (inevitably) noticing that some work better for you than others. I say, just carry on (as you've been doing) and clean up any messes you make (as you've also been doing).
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I feel like I deserve to have food poisoning.
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... so I yelled some more and generally got extremely mad and caused myself as much pain as possible by pushing the pegs into the ground with my hand and not stopping til it hurt too much.
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Are you sure punishing yourself really does you any good? I'd think that if the pain didn't even teach you not to punish yourself any more, it certainly wouldn't do much to prevent you from doing whatever you were punishing yourself for. If it's more of a distraction from whatever thoughts and feelings are coming up for you, do you suppose you could learn to channel some of that energy into cleaning up the mess -- and then use the rest for something that'll benefit and support you and/or others?
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...I have to wait another couple of hours to see if it gets worse. The stomach cramps are horrendous, but I just keep pushing on as usual and pretending nothing is wrong.. The headaches are getting worse and I've got a fever, so I have to wait until about 7-8pm which was the time I ate it last night and if it is much worse, I have to go to hospital to see if it is Salmonella or just some other form of food poisoning.
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Ouch! What I had a couple of years ago felt kind of like that. It hung on for about a week and I didn't stop feeling occasional little reminders of it for another three months or so. I hope yours is easier on you -- but do take care of yourself and watch your nutrition as best you can.