That is part of what I am trying to express Junerain. I find words so inadequate to express the feelings that I have struggled with for decades and have yet to find any conclusive human explanation.

The most Joy I have ever experienced was a brief three or four day set of moments early in my sobriety. I was working as a cook for a small rehab and in this capacity my days were long and I was constantly surrounded by folks who were just beginning the journey of hopefull change. I had such few moments for me. Which was the blessing as my thoughts were upon the work to feed this 60 or so folks and to listen to them while they vented their fear. My more I Loved them the more I loved Me. The more I gave them the more was given me,,,the less I thought of myself the greater the gifts from the universe.

I experienced such Joy in those moments but then my own fears captured me once again and I moved away from the freedom....

But in those few days I can say that I was fearless,,there was nothing I would not have given anyone,,,there was nothing anyone could take from me,,I was in complete harmony with the moment and what I was doing within it...

In those few days I Loved Everyone and Everything without condition.

Since then I have been Graced to meet a few incredible people who live nearly all their moments in this place of Joy.

Fear is the enemy..it always has been and always will be...

For me, letting go of the fear is the door to Love...

With Care....

Lenny