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Trigger Alert**** (mild references to certain abuse. just don't want to hurt anyone. please keep yourself safe)
Homelife getting to me. I've been slowing down and doing a very poor job of cleaning and cooking, I'm not a hell of a lot of fun either. Some of it has been my littles expressing their disapproval of his rejection of them. It's pretty damn insulting to be told you don't exist - especially when your existence saved your host/original self. Some of it has been about cult programming/mind games and traps they set up to screw with us and hopefully drive us to suicide to keep their secrets.
After not asking me even one question on how things are in about a year at least, Phil got mad because he had to cook his own supper after a 16 hour workaholic day. Long and short of it, I tried to tell him that I was having trouble cooking for his new diet. He said that was no big deal that I was just not doing what I needed to do and what was going on in counseling. I tried to explain that we are finally really getting into places I'd fought off getting to because it was so horrible and shameful what they made us do. He listened to me, thought it over for about 10 minutes and then got up and said, "I'm going to bed, good night".
I can't support myself, so divorce is out. SI or SU is out. So, somehow I have to learn to take power away from his words and attitudes. He will probably never accept me and how I survived. I want so much to "emotionally divorce" the stupid prick. We are so incredibly angry with him for his cold-hearted judgments against us.
Any suggestions on how I can find my way - to separate my heart from his influence and how I can begin to make my own life? I am sick of this painful dance he and I have done for so many years. He never struck me with his fists, but he's put so many bruises on my heart and the hearts of all my alts. Thanks!
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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