I have lived through my first post to this forum. I didn't realize how hard it would be. I was so afraid to come back and see if anyone would reply, to see if I would be received....and now I am filled with anxiety. I was received so warmly and the community here seems so caring that this seems silly, but still I live with this every day in every situation...

I go totally blank when it's my turn to reply to someone else. My mind fills with negative thoughts, thoughts about what a dumb @$$ I am, thoughts about how unimportant, stupid, redundant, worthless.... fill in the blank...I am. Then I worry about how what I say will be interpreted, will someone take it the wrong way, does it sound dumb, am I being helpful...I obsess over posts on a forum to people I don't even know. Every time I try and reach out to someone, anyone, the negative thinking takes over and tries to undermine me. It usually wins. How do I win and not let the negative thinking undermine me? I'm not in therapy yet. I have been close to calling insurance and setting it up, I'm just a bit afraid and out of hope of it really helping me at this time.

Jan