"I don't want to become like that"

you said it "I don't want to be like that" egknowling (spelling of well) it means you wont

Are you on a proper mood stablizer, maybe the dose should be brought up?

Sounds like medication isn't stable (to me anyway)

I'm a Bipolar I

xannax, prozac, lamictal.... as stable as possible for now, I've been through 100's of medication no lie.... but keep trying...

Stay away from sugar and caffienee, especially fake sugar