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VickiesPath · Aug 26, 2009, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emily_Strange

Hmmmm, so unconditional love is love without reward, right? Ok, so this often happens in the parent child relationship....but can you separate unconditional love from a relationship you would have with a significant other or friend of some sort?

I kind of feel like its hard to separate the unconditional love from a relationship with non-family members since its assumed you became friends/got serious with that individual for specific reasons...You came to a certain conclusion about the other person & it's assumed who they are gives you incentive to have a sort of relationship with them...Which kinda feels like a condition. I dunno it just seems like a different kind of love would emerge in that case than that for someone in your family. I think with the family thing, it's ingrained for you to love them for what they are: Your family. While with friends or significant others, you are more likely to love them for who they are. Maybe? So does that mean one is deeper than the other? -shrug- Do you end up loving an idea [family], or is that just a truer form of unconditional love? Or are the friendship ones deeper cause they are ased in who the person is on the inside? I suppose they are oth deep for different reasons...? Ahhh just throwing out ideas!

So what happens if you are being punished in the relationship, like if you have an abusive partner? I guess there's a sort of a basic condition of no abuse allowed. Although I'm sure you can still love someone unconditionally but you have to somehow get away from them in order for them to change.

.....So then, is unconditional love really defined as not receiving rewards for your love & maybe in some circumstances receiving punishment for loving, too?

Damn, whoever said love was a good thing....

Can I just say, to the posters who still love their family despite abuse: I really admire ya'll?

I agree...........but (isn't there alway a "but")

If you were with a partner who you loved deeply and had a significant amount of time invested, but who, on occasion would engage you in abusive behavior, which one of these actions, although very difficult because of the depth of the commitment to the relationship, would be the most loving:

1. You stay in the relationship and allow the other person to continue to abuse you while suffering greatly and allowing that person to believe that it is OK in our world to treat his/her partner, the SO in their life, in a manner that is both physically and mentally injurious, as long as the rest of the relationship runs smoothly. The SO refuses to acknowledge that there is any problem with the behavior and promises each time, that it will not happen again.

2. You decide, after putting up with this countless times, that the relationship is not healthy or loving so you decide to end it, which ends the physical and/or mental abuse for you and it also teaches the abuser that the behavior is not acceptible in our world and will not sustain a loving relationship.

Granted, this scenario doesn't include allowances for efforts to change the behavior, etc. But as for the action itself, which scenario demonstrates the most loving course of action, even though it may be a very hard thing to do? Sometimes unconditional love includes making hard decisions regarding the most loving course of action when clearly the current pattern is unacceptable. You can still love them and support them but do not do it at the cost of your health. You are teaching them an unloving thing if you do.

Maybe I'm missing the point. I don't think that unconditional love stops even if you must make hard decisions and part ways. There are many ways of loving. I suppose I might be missing the original premise of the question posed in the beginning.

I know I'm writing too much here. But I have one more point.

You know the song "I Will Always Love You" that Whitney Houston made a hit of? Well, Dolly Parton wrote that song. Now, I'm sure that none of you (unless you are weird like me) know who she wrote that song about.

Well, yes, I'm going to tell you. Porter Waggoner. Dolly got her career started singing with Porter Waggoner on his show back in the 1960's. I used to watch her. She and Porter had a very long friendship and after she had made a name for herself, she left his show and the rest is history.

Porter died last year. It was then that Dolly finally admitted to the public that she wrote that song about Porter. There was never anything intimate about their relationship but he did lauch her career. And she left when the time was right.

OK, now you can officially say that I'm stupid. But I see a similarity there. And you know what else?

For all you TV nuts like me, on the TV show NCIS, the character of Mike who was Gibbs' old boss, their relationship is as close to unconditional love as two men (who aren't gay) could possibly ever get.

OK, I'm done. Say goodnight, Gracie.