I've shifted dimensions or something... life is so unreal right now.

I literally feel like im existing in hell.

For those that don't know, Cps took Jer into foster care because they think I am too "sick and disabled" to care for him properly-mostly because I have trouble with housework. They never offered respite help, referral for HomeCare to come more often, or any sort of help. They just came, and took him. Its been a week and I haven't even seen him. Then the other day my cousin, jers godmother, and my birth coach who brought him into the world, flew out to calgary to her brothers funeral. He had dropped dead at sixty. She had her 2nd heart attack shortly after, made it to the hospital, and then died.

I am just barely existing. Im not in good shape but I know I can't tell anyone, just have to muck it through, because if i go to the doc or the hospital they tell cps and then I end up fighting harder to get him back. They are using EVERYTHING against me. Treating me like i abused him. Trying to tell me I can only see him 2hours at a time, twice a week, while being watched by a social worker. I cant take him to the park, have him for overnights, or anything. My lawyer is working on it right now. At first they tried to say 1 time a week, for 1 hour. THIS IS NOT RIGHT. He was put into foster care because im physically quite sick/disabled and need help, not because I ever abused or neglected him.

My life is just hell rightnow..hence why i havent been around. Most of the time i just crawl into bed, and cry myself to sleep.