Thank you for your reply again. I don't think I'm ready to know what happened during my blackouts but I don't want the did to go away it helps me feel less alone and now I'm afraid to trust any doc about it because I don't want them giving me meds or scaring her further away so I'm not sure if I'll continue my appointments yet. (sorry for the short response but I'm on my phone at the drive in) thanks for your reply and I hope you are doing well and take care!