Hi Chimera1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chimera1
Hi,
I'm new here and am trying to figure out what's wrong with me! Sounds pathetic, but true.
I can't make friends. I never have been able to and I can't figure out why. I'm an adult, but have had this problem since junior high. I'm normal looking, educated, knowledgeable of pop culture, have a sense of humor, am not handicapped, etc. I'm a mom and belong to a moms group, as well as a church. I can't even connect with those people.
I usually hang out with someone once or twice and they never want to again. I think I actually make people feel very uncomfortable, but I can't figure out how. It's almost as if they truly don't like me...not that they're just not interested. It seems as if they almost avoid me after having a conversation (or several conversations). It's so bad that even the boring people, nerds, or ones who've admitted that they don't make friends well don't even hang out with me.
I don't stutter. I don't think I have any twitches or strange expressions. I've even tried to watch other people to see how they act and it still doesn't work for me. I don't think I'm rude or have a strange laugh. I ask questions and try to remember details, so I can follow up. I don't call people or act needy. I don't gossip or cuss (not too much at least : ). I've asked people to hang out and often times they'll say sure, but don't follow up.
I've asked my husband what he thinks, for I worry our kids will be the same way. He says there is nothing wrong with me. Maybe he's weird too. 
My son does have a mild case of Asperger's, so I wonder if I'm exhibiting similar characteristics? I've often been treated disrespectfully. Meaning, in the past people (co-workers & acquaintances, not family) feel like they can snap up at me, etc.
There is something about me, but I don't know what. I'm incredibly caring and I would feel awful if anyone thought I was mean or rude or weird. however, that must be what this is.
Help. I don't want my kids to be this way. |
Since none us can observe you talking/socializing with other people, it's hard for any of us to "diagnose" what the problem may be.
Anyway.. it is true that Aspergers can make make conversation/socializing difficult.
If you think you might be an adult "Aspie" then my suggestion would be to consult a professional who can determine if this is the actual problem or if you just need to brush up on your social skills.
If it is just social skills, then my advice would be to try to look for people who have the same interests you do. That makes conversation go a lot easier.
Also a good conversation is a lot like playing tennis. In tennis you hit the ball towards the other player and they hit it back to you.
In conversation.. you say a little bit of something and then the other person responds by saying something back to you.
If one person is talking too much, then it can make the other person feel they are not being listened to... so try to spend equal amounts of time listening and talking.
Also if you have been treated disrespectfully, than maybe reading some books on how to be more assertive might be helpful for you.
Other than that, don't be too hard on yourself.
Finding friends especially when you are no longer in college/school is hard for everyone. People are extremely busy nowadays and on top of that, I think with the invention of TV, video games, and computers many people have lost the ability to effectively interact with one and another in person.
But...hang in there and keep looking...don't give up... you
WILL find some friends. They are out there.