idontknow,

I think that your ex may have some emotional issues if not also personality disorder. I am bipolar and have sometimes acted in a manner that is not at all myself. The bipolar part of me thinks one day that I am the best thing that has ever happened to my husband(2nd husband) and the next day I worry that I am not good enough for him and that he wants to find someone else. That may also be a confidence thing or even an insecurity. My ex husband was very emotionally destructive too. He would tell me that no man would ever want me because of the four children I have(3 happen to be his!).
Because of the other forms of torment he had put me through I also have flashbacks. I sometimes live past events over and react the way I would've reacted when with him. I normally don't remember anything that I said and act like nothing has happened. If she knows what she is doing and can't stop then I think there may be a different issue.
If you truly believe that you two are meant to be together then I suggest you let her go. If she truly loves you she will come back. You deserve to be loved with heart and soul and if she cannot provide this for you then it is not meant to be.

Would she be open to some couples counseling? You both may find out things that will open your eyes to each other (that was a positive thing so don't take that the wrong way!).

I wish you well and I hope you get everything that each and everyone of us deserves--someone who will love and respect you till death do you two part!

jac