Hey, Chimera1. Welcome. Do not hesitate to go talk to the Doc about your depression - depression is NOT a character flaw, you know. You're a mature, responsible person taking charge of the quality of your life, and you're intelligent enough to know when to ask for help achieving the best quality of life possible. I empathize with you regarding your feelings about special occasions - holidays and special occasions were always a nightmare growing up in my home, and I wouldn't celebrate ANYTHING at all for many years - those days would just trigger all the horrible memories. Finally, one Christmas in 1986, I realized that the only way to get rid of those horrible memories was to overwrite them with good memories I created myself. So, from then on I have celebrated every holiday and special occasion the way I want to experience it and anyone who tries to mess it up for me is OUT! I have spent many, many holidays alone with my dog and cat - and we have a ball! I fix special meals, buy presents for me and them, play with them, sing, whatever, and I celebrate my birthday for a full 7 days. If other humans want to join in, they are welcome as long as they understand that this is how we do things in MY house - NO DRAMA ALLOWED. If I'm attending a celebration elsewhere and someone tries to mess it up with drama, I leave - leave the area, leave the room, or leave the place altogether - I'm just not going to put up with it and you shouldn't either. Take care of yourself and be as happy as you can possibly stand.