T said i was depressed - i said its prob just grief but he said he has noticed it getting worse - said cant be depressed as on anti depressants lol

told T i couldnt be depressed cos I am agitated and lose my temper easily and turned into the feral female dog! from hell at work the other day cos they didnt stick to the safety guidelines - and didnt give a damn about it grrrrrrrrrr - yes i am over it lol

T said you can be agitated and low tolerance when depressed......

Told T i had screwed up royally by not opening my mail for.....hmmmm long tme .. got into some trouble wiht some bills.... said i like to practice my mistakes over and over till i get them perfect lol Told T i was dumber that dog .....hmmm poopy lol

T said i had to stop being nasty to myself and calling myself dumb - but i said if I am doing dumb things and I dont learn from my mistakes then I am DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so we discussed that for a while - cos T wouldnt admit I was right!!!!!!!!!!!! T and i had a .....hmmmmm Loooooooooooooooong discussion lol in the end he said if you said the things you are saying aobut yourself to a friend woudl you stil have the freind? i said no - he said would you say that to a friend I said no - then why say it to yourself ? ( I hate it when he uses common sense to show me I am wrong )

soooooooooooooooooooooo I told T i felt disconnected - like i was operating my body from the back of my head - not involved in life or connected to it and T said thats part of the depression...

I have to start doing things that are fun and get back to things i used to like to do whether i want to or not...... especially if i dont want to - whicih i dont - i just want to..........stop...... dunno..... curl up and hide.... but that isnt working... Ive been doing that and it only makes me want to retreat further - and im not sleeping much whch T says is part of problem.... I know that so I am going to try and eat better - drink more water (or at least some lol) and do some nice things......

ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now i have developed a stupid tick like a quick nod no! grrr - noticed i did that twice in T - just did it again!!!!!! grrrrrrr - bad enough i lose my words..... cant think.....have crap memory......eye twitches when tired and started stuttering now i have a stupid head nod thing gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

low frustration tolerance ...me?????????? never !!!!!!!!!