Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkisfloyd
Thanks Yoda, nice to hear from you. That is funny what you said about the bugs, I had the same thing. Fortunately, I was able to get to sleep about 5 this morning. I got about 6 hrs and I definitely feel better.
Are you bipolar? Do you take meds? I have problems with meds, although I know that they saved my life and they help millions. But, I don't like the way I feel on them and I don't like the idea of changing myself to fit into society. And, I do have that nagging voice in my head saying why do you need this stuff. I guess one thing that makes this disorder so difficult is the fact that we have stages or phases when we do fine. And then, all of the sudden, right back in the deep dark abyss. Then, we blame ourselves for it all.
Although, I am feeling that I might give meds a try again.
Can I also ask you, do you have any substance abuse issues. You see, because I constantly wonder if I am the cause. There is the side of me that knows I had problems from as far back as I can remember and I always felt different. You certainly don't think about self medicating when you are a teen. You drink and party to be social, meet new people and have fun. It's confusing but I'd say with 100% certainty that I did and still do, self medicate with weed.
Thanks,
Ken
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Hi Ken,
Yes I am bipolar. I think I have been since college but I coped with it well until my BF started using meth and went loco. Long story.
I have been on psych meds for about a decade. I take quite a few and wonder if I am overmedicated. I posted about that yesterday. I haven't had mood swings for a very long time and feel stable so I am going to discuss DCing some of them with my doc today. I am always dizzy and hope to get rid of the offending med(s).
Yes I have had some substance abuse. I was a binge drinker when I was with other people drinking but I have only had alcohol once in the last fifteen years. I finally decided the distress to my stomach wasn't worth it. And I smoked weed. For a few years after my BF died I would sleep 12-14 hours/day and was stoned all the time I was awake to numb the pain. That was in 2000 and I have really cut back in the past few years. I started just smoking in the evenings and then cut back to a few times a week and this year I went four months without smoking. Personally I am not totally anti-weed as nobody has ever died from overdose on weed and it is not physically addictive but it does change your brain and the effects of psych meds so I wanted to see if I improved without it. Of course it does change depth perception so I never smoke and drive. I am taking selegeline which is being studied for its use in helping people stop smoking weed so perhaps that is helping. My psychiatrist is not totally anti-weed either but he suggested I limit it to once a week. When I was in the hospital this month a therapist asked me if I abused drugs and I told him I had gone four months without but then smoked a joint after a distressing call to the IRS. I was surprised when he said that was not abusing drugs. I know that lots of folks will disagree with what I have posted and that is okay. I am not giving advice; I am just telling you about myself and how I feel. I have never read anything about weed causing bipolar but there are studies that suggest it can cause/worsen schizophrenia. Personally I feel that alcohol is an evil drug and there really is no appropriate use for it ever. Pretty much the same for all other recreational drugs; I don't do them because they are not safe. I was the RN caring for a 22 year old boy who had done cocaine and it caused his coronary arteries to clamp down and he did not respond to meds and he had a massive heart attack and died. One time can kill you.
I hope you find a good doctor to prescribe some meds for your bipolar. The right drug can really help you handle it. I don't think of it as changing to fit into society (I am and always will be a rebel) but I hope they improve my functioning.
Let us know how you are doing and if you can find a doc.