Quote:
Originally Posted by skeksi
I know you feel disconnected right now. I think it's important to focus on her saying, "I'm sorry I can't call at the moment"--although you feel so alone and disconnected right now, it's not because she doesn't want to connect, and it's not because you aren't worth connecting to.
The anniversary of my dad's death is this week, too, and it's so, so, so hard and lonely. The first anniversary is brutal. And when you add all the mixed feelings about being hurt, but still loving her...oh, it's a real recipe for pain, isn't it?
I have found a bit of relief in being able to tie things with an "and"--as in, "I love my dad, and he was sometimes hurtful to me." One doesn't cancel the other out.
I hope your T is able to get back to you before you see her, but if not, I hope you are able to feel some comfort when you do see her again.  |
Skeski,
I wish I could focus on the I can't call at the moment in the way you are thinking. But it wasn't I can't call at the moment but will as soon as I can type of thing. It was I can't call you at the moment (and won't be today), I will see you tomorrow.....
Which interests me that she even used the word moment at all.....instead of I'm sorry I can't call you today.....
The word moment made it sound worse, you know, that I am not even worth a moment, out of a whole day, at a time when I was and am really struggling.
I really do love my mom (even if she didn't believe me), its the guilt of feeling the way I do about things that is getting to me.