I was talking about what Richard did when I was saying about practically being banned from this place. Ugh. Everything's screwed up. One thing after the other. My boiler's broken down now, the council have been useless and not changed my address to the flat I'm staying in now and such, I've been called a let down and just feel like there's no point in even being in this world let alone trying to face the people in it because everyone seems to have a bad word to say about me.

FooZe, nobody else got food poisoning. their chicken happened to be cooked. Sigh. Trust me to be the one caught out. Weak immune system I guess? I suppose I could use that emotion to clean up the mess and I'm trying, but all that emotion just tires me out so I don't have the motivation to do it and then I get even more mad. I've been sleeping so much since all these things have gone wrong, it's just one thing after another everyday. First the fire, then falling out with a friend, then Richard, then the flat and council thing, then the boiler breaking down, then being so unmotivated that my flat is the worst state I have ever let my living situation be in! I feel awful...

The food poisoning has died down, but I can hardly eat a thing.. I eat about half meal a day and sometimes just bring it back up... Friends have commented on weight loss, along with Connor and my jeans and t-shirts are getting too small... Even the size 10s...

P7, maybe the rage is part of depression, I wouldn't be surprised. I guess it was just that 'thing' clicking inside me, making the rage come out after I've hidden it all for so long.. I hide my emotions from friends, only really showing it when pushed. As for Connor... He got angry with me when i waas in the shower the other day for not showing him how I really felt about the situation with Richard, for smiling, laughing, pretending everything was okay and nothing had happened. He got very angry and that in itself made me cry.. Then I started talking to him about it and burst into tears, not stopping for ages it was horrible, but it needed to be done. Yesterday I cried again and I don't even know why... I just felt really down.

I wish I didn't feel so empty and alone

thanks for caring