So many thoughts about these subjects, but not sure I can say it as well as everyone else has. I have a theory about alcohol vs. pot use, but it's not important. I fall into the former category and I don't like the effects on me of the latter. I had about 4 years where I abused alcohol, but now I'm down to about 1/2 a beer or 1/2 a glass of wine per night. I didn't have any last night. One day sober.

Anyway, I think many of us go through stages of saying, "I'm fine, I don't need meds, these substances make me feel better and are less dangerous than the man-made chemicals." In fact, my mom and some of my other friends tell me to dump the meds and go on natural supplements. I already take supplements and they did nothing for my extreme depression or scrape me off the ceiling insomnia energy. If I stopped my meds, my only source of mood control would be alcohol and I did that because I was in a mostly manic period for those 4 years. I just got dx'd a few months ago so I'm starting to re-evaluate my childhood and "episodes" rather than just feeling bad (depressed) most of the time, with a few times of being the creative happy energetic me...who I thought was the real me. Neither are the real me and both are parts of the real me. Not to offend anyone who also has bipolar or has DID, but it's almost as if your personality splits into two halves, one is extroverted, happy, energetic, feels invincible or even aggressive and impulsive, does complicated projects; the other half is introverted, sad, sleeps all the time, feels like a loser, thinks life is pointless, has no motivation or focus to read or accomplish anything. That has been my experience anyway.

I'd recommend, since you've read the bipolar description on this site and have taken the quiz, that you go through your history (I know, I hate looking back too, but it can be enlightening) and see if you might not have had days or weeks of being super energetic, getting in trouble at school for not being able to sit still, not needing sleep, etc., followed by days or weeks of depression and inertia. I think ADHD is a possibility, but it does look an awful lot like the manic part of bipolar and if you have spells of depression, you can dump the other dx since bipolar covers both.

I've been manic for over 3 weeks and I fidget and bounce all day, can't sit still, am jumping back and forth between a half dozen projects, wake up super early, go to bed late, can't get decent sleep without benzos I was prescribed, and even then 6 hours tops, sometimes only 4 and broken. But I'll go to sleep and 30 mins later I'm wide awake feeling ready for the next day. Weird. My mom used to say that too. Just close your eyes and lie still and you'll fall asleep. NOT! Never worked for me. I'd get up and go back to bouncing around the house. As a kid I was either super depressed, listless with a vacant gaze or else hyper, joking and getting into trouble (sent to the corner because I couldn't sit still or concentrate). Today, I realize, they would have labeled me ADD or ADHD. But I had enough depressed calm spells that they never sent me to a doc. I think that AD(H)D can be signs of a person who will one day fully develop into Bipolar I or II. There are stages on the spectrum of these mood or behavior disorders. I've read that ADD or cyclothymics often develop as the disease worsens into Bipolar II or I. So, there's another option. You might have just been ADHD as a kid, but now it's bipolar. Or maybe you were cyclothymic with ADHD and now you're bipolar. Not trying to diagnose you. I'm not a doctor or a therapist. And don't want to be either. Then I'd have to deal with people like me.

Hang in there. I think you're on the right path because you're asking questions. That's how I started. And it's been a long climb. It has been worse some times than before I sought treatment, but overall, I'm gaining more feet in elevation than I've lost since this process started.

Keep searching. We'll be around.