It has only been a week and a half and that isn't too long compared to some T's, so I can't complain.
Okay, actually I can. It's something I do very very well.

I haven't seen her since the session I left halfway through. After that session, the next morning began internal raging. Not at T, but at my job that I'd had a few days away from and returned to. I was angry going in to work, got bombarded and overwhelmed when I got there. It was so intense that I couldn't look or talk to anyone. Eventually I had to of course, just business communication; I think people were taking a wide path around me. I would have too if I could have. If anyone could have read my nasty hateful raging thoughts, I don't know what they would have thought. If I was a man (not to generalize, but maybe I am and if so, I'm sorry).. if I was a man I might hurt someone with this rage or pick a fight. It was awful. I had a migraine with eye pain, I was so tired.

It really scared me and I thought that this was how I used to feel so much! I thought I was past this. Was it meds that took care of this? Do I need them again? (no, never, but wondered anyway) What was going on?! This hasn't happened for so long, years.

Took me 3 days to talk to people at work. Stupid thing is, I knew from experience that it would help me to just talk to others, have that contact, but I refused to make it happen for myself.

Then this morning, knowing T was back today I started feeling better. Still having the headache with eyepain and nausea. But feeling better. I was resisting the idea that just knowing that T is back and I see her today could make me feel better.

I do think it's part of the answer. But the other part just floored me. I am several years post-menopause. Emphasis on "pause" cause today it RESUMED!! So a lot of what I was going through was PMS, only I didn't recognize it. This is how it always was, the SECOND I began to flow, the rage subsided and it was over. My humor returned, the hatefulness feels remote.
I knew what I was experiencing felt familiar, but holy moly it's been several years now!
I hope this is the last "hurrah"..

So, who the heck knows.

All I know is I see T tonight.