Dane,

I am Bi-Polar 1 with mania, and I am on Lithium as well. I was diagnosed 6 years ago, but after going thru a myriad of different meds, Lithium is the one that works for me. Have you had your levels checked recently? It could be your not getting enough Lithium, and need a dosage increase. This may explain why it doesn't seem like it's working.

I am also in the same financial situation as you are - I can't afford my meds or therapy. Many of the drug companies now have patient assistance programs where they will provide you with the meds at no cost, based on your income.

I am sorry your wife uses this demon against you. She clearly doesn't fully understand bi-polar. Have you tried to include her in your research, so that she can better understand what you face each day? It's not easy having a significant other that doesn't understand you. My ex-BF left me because of my disorder. Four months later, we are slowly putting the pieces back together, and he is taking an active role in learning more about bi-polar.

Know that you are not alone in your fight to gain some sort of balance in your life.

My best advice right now is to have your Lithium levels checked (having blood drawn). This may help easy your anxieties a bit if the dose is too low. Also, tell you psychiatrist of your social anxieties, you may have other underlying conditions that have yet to be addressed.

You are in my thoughts, because I was the exact same age you are when I was first diagnosed. I know first-hand how you are feeling, and trust me, given time, it will get better. The best weapon against bi-polar is accepting it, then building up a "can-do" attitude - knowing you are going to have good and bad days, but bi-polar doesn't have to control you; you have to try to learn to control it.

I hope you get some comfort from my words. Feel free to PM me anytime if you have ANY questions.

Take Care,
Dolfin