Quote:
Originally Posted by velcro003
i told her i didn't know what to do. i don't know what to talk about. she said there is no "should", just whatever is on my mind It doesnt have to be always about what to do with my life and goals, just what i'm feeling at that time. I don't know what i'm feeling most of the time. But I said I don't exactly know what it is that i'm afraid of--some reaction on her part to me, what she thinks of me.
|
velcro
I have had this exact conversation with my T - she often encourages me to just let whatever is on my mind come up, but I'm such a planner - I go in there, talk about what I planned to say, and then just sit there like, "Okay, now what?" Thank goodness my T is patient with me and very gentle, she'll sometimes say, "It feels right to me to just sit here for a moment with what you just told me," something like that. And then that leads into other discussions.
I have totally been afraid of T's reaction to some things I've wanted to tell her. I know in my head that T won't judge me, but I am still afraid that somehow, I'll lose T if I tell her something bad.
Don't beat yourself up. Sure, it would be great to be able to tell your T that her silence reminds you of your mother's disapproving silence, but it's okay if it takes you another session or 10 more sessions to get that out. It sounds like your T is patient with you and doesn't want you going anywhere. It's hard when we put so much pressure on ourselves and then don't deliver in our minds - my T noted that I sometimes seem disappointed when I leave a session, and she wondered if it was her - I said no, just how the session goes sometimes, that I don't get out what I want to get out.
Hang in there, velcro!!!