thank you everybody, i really appreciate your concerns and informations. sorry for my bad languange too. i was desperate, feel very angry about myself, dont know what to do, cant take it anymore, i want to do something about myself but i still couldn't do it. as in financial, im unable to support myself at the moment, thats really depressing too, Tumnus asked "Is there any way to get the care you need in another town? Would it be beneficial for you to move? ,no i cant move to anywhere or get help in other town cause it will cost me more money. but i'll try to always look forward about getting help in my own town as cheaper as it gets for the start. Thanks again!