Hi everyone, I have some really good news for a change......how ironic for me.

All last night and early today I thought about my T - how important he is to me and how much I truly need him and his friendship - I called him to see if somehow we could compromise and strangely enough, he was typing me an email at the same time.

My T has agreed to letting go of his "rule" for now. He realizes how very much it has upset me and he wants me to know that he IS different from everyone in my life - he cares about ME, whether it is before or after I hurt myself. The only thing he asked from me was that I would try, very hard, to call him before I did anything........but if I couldn't, he would talk to me afterwards.

He expressed some anxiety about his decision because he is worried about me, but he also knew that it has hurt me more to have the rule.

We are friends, in my opinion.......he finally understands what I mean by that and agrees. How absolutely wonderful to know that I do have someone who cares about me and will be there for me regardless of what stupid things I do.

I told him that he would not regret his decision and that it won't encourage me to do it more - just the opposite really. He's THERE for me..........and the relief I felt was so profound.

My T put my scheduled appt back in place for next week.......and because he made me so happy, my day went beyond description today. All I could think about was that I was correct - he does care about me, warts and all.....lol.

I met the Regional Corporate guy today and it went terrifically. Mary Alice was able to concentrate and focus because the world was back on track for awhile. The guy was impressed and said I would do an awesome job in the new store.

Thank you for all your support and trying to make me feel better. Heidu, I am sorry that your day was bad......I feel guilty because I made it worse for you. Please accept my apologies.

These mood swings of mine are sometimes so tiring....lol. I can be on the brink of self destruction and then have my head above water for awhile.

Tonight, I am doing my own internal "happy dance" because I still have the person that means so much to me in my life and there is someone that I can turn to.

Am I out of my hole? No, but the darkness is not quite so bleak today. .

Mary Alice