(((((Kiya))))) Wow, what a lot to take in on your first session back.
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Originally Posted by Kiya
*t (brain just went totally blank...) uhhhhhhhh... getting on my case about meds and how "everyone thinks meds are the answer" - when have i ever said this?! why can't anyone understand that i've been led down this med path, unwillingly, and now i am at a place where i am hooked on the damn things, i can't just up and quit, i can't work without them because of the high level of anxiety, and i can't live ON them with the damn side effects?!!? On top of this my GP has told me that I am too complicated for her to deal with (this is not her speciality) and the psych nurse has said that there are already too many dr's involved on my case and she won't prescribe anything. WTF?!?!? What the hell am i supposed to do?!
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Who is "everyone"? Everyone thinks the answer is for you to be taking meds or for you to get off of them? It sounds to me like it would be helpful for you to meet with all your medical people (psych nurse and the "too many doctors" your PNP refers to) and get everyone on the same page. I know you have a case worker--can you tell her you need to sort this out with your multiple practitioners and she could help schedule a meeting? I think it is possible for people to be on too many meds or for people to be better not taking them (although for some people, they are better off taking the meds). It would be good to have the med people list their concerns and propose their favored course of action. You could have a chance to ask questions and weigh the options. If they do think you would be better off without meds, is it ALL meds? Or get off some of them but stay on others (e.g. the one for anxiety)? It seems like it doesn't have to be all or nothing right away (unless your liver is wonking out due to meds overload). At the very least, you need to have a medical person (doc or PNP) help you with a taper plan if you are going to be quitting any of the meds. Kiya, I think they are being very irresponsible not to coordinate care with each other when it comes to meds. It sounds like your Psych nurse has just had it with the involvement of too many docs and is worried about doing more harm than good since so many cooks are stirring the same pot. I hope you can get this really important issue straightened out really soon.
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*"you put so much energy into healing. If we could channel that energy into your getting out of this house, you'd progress much farther. You do all this healing work, and then go back to that house and environment where you are shut down and can't heal."
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Kiya, I agree completely with this. I had a lot of trouble working on my issues because I would be with T, then go home to an awful marriage that I could not make any progress on, or my individual issues either, when I was in that environment. When I finally was not living with him, it was so much more doable to move forward. I thought that you had been working towards moving out? I remember you writing about that a number of times, as if that was the goal? Didn't you go to visit some housing that was a possibility? I thought you were very positive about that.
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so hear that I am really doing this as a loving action? And that i care very much for you?"
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Kiya, what is the action she is taking? It sounds like she talked a lot, but what action did she take or say she was going to take?
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I can't see the 'way out i want' so i won't choose any option.
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What is the way out that you want? Do you want to live on your own? Do you want to live with your mom? Have you told anyone the solution that you want? Maybe no one knows. Why won't the solution you want work? Maybe your T could help you work toward this alternative solution, if it is possible. (I am sure you have probably been down this road before, but just wondering why your solution is not an option...)
Kiya, this sounds so hard. Maybe as the next couple of days passes you will be able to process and start on solutions. The meds question sounds paramount.