I think the worst part of my situation is that I'm so poor, and I can't find a place to live that isn't stressful. I just moved, but, anymore, moving is just going from bad to worse. There's this weird neighbor situation here, and I called the city this afternoon just to ask what my options were, and they said I couldn't do anything unless I went to the city office and filed a complaint, which I did not do. But, apparently, they sent a cop to the neighbor's, anyway! I get a knock on the door and this big, hulking guy is yelling at me and flipping me off and everything else, because a cop came and asked him about the situation -- and, mind you, I never even filed a complaint or called the police. I just called the city to ask about my options.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm middle-aged. I'm poor. I'm mentally ill. And I have kept downsizing my hopes and downsizing my hopes until all I want out of life is a quiet, affordable little rental house somewhere without scary neighbors. But I don't think it will ever happen. My youth is long gone, and I see my life as an old lady stretching before me as just a succession of worse and worse and worse living situations. So why bother?

I know this is a big pity party, but, honestly. The only reason I moved the last time was because I had two cats, and I just couldn't face abandoning them or leaving them at a shelter. How can you improve your life when you can't keep a job? I've tried since June to get help from V.A. Voc Rehab -- the guy said I was eligible, but he hasn't returned a call or an e-mail in all this time.

Thank you all for reading this awful thing. I'm always out there posting rah-rah messages for other people -- like I know what other people need to do -- and yet I just flail and flail myself and I'm really afraid that one of these days I'm going to go under.