Sorry you're feeling so low, Seabirdanne. You write beautifully, you are very articulate, descriptive, and even portray emotions very clearly through your words. I could visualize the entire scene and situation you were describing. Have you considered doing any freelance writing? You have a computer and doing freelance you wouldn't have to be tied down to specific hours and locations; i.e., you could work when you felt like it. There are also publishing houses who send out manuscripts to individuals as independent editors. No high pressure, work from home, use your computer, make a little extra income - perhaps something like that could help you get out of the "scary" neighborhoods. You might even consider writing a book about your life journey since you have the ability to express so beautifully what so many others are feeling and experiencing but do not have the skills to express them adequately. I'm almost 60, disabled, poor, ill, and I understand your unease - just want a little peace and security. But, we're seasoned survival veterans, now; need to show these young pups how it's done. Hope you feel better soon and find some solutions. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.