Golly, thanks for asking about me. Day to day... also.... sigh. I don't usually take on other's issues in the sense of feeling bad... but wanted you all to know that it does sadden me that you deal with this... self hate... resistence to healling... trying to cope with whatever it is that attacks your feelings. And I know most ppl just don't understand it... well, most ppl IRL don't understand many mental health issues... but they seem to be reactive in a shocking way if they find out you SI. Just wanted to remind you that some of us do understand... and have hope and good wishes for you all! You can get through this, past it even... keep looking up!