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Originally Posted by googley
She said something like "well, then everything wasn't hunky dory for him either". I admit that it wasn't a joy growing up in my family and there was some shared miserable experiences, it was that he was not there when I was in high school or college and hence did not know how bad things got. I felt like she wanted to defend my brother's suggestion that I move home and did not support my view that it was not a viable option. It has made me really mad.
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Is this all she said on this topic, "well, everything wasn't hunky dory for him either"? Because to me, that doesn't sound like she is telling you that you should have moved home. It just sounds like she is acknowledging that more than one child in this family had a difficult time with their parents. What you wrote doesn't suggest she is doubting you or suggesting you move home or should have then. Did she say anything else to make you think that?
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I know my old T (who has been wonderful and who I started seeing closely after graduating,) said she would help me find a new T. She understood when I said that I couldn't live with my parents. I told her shortly before I left about my fear that when I started seeing her she would suggest I move in with my parents.
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I wonder if you are very sensitive to this issue and also very sad/upset you had to leave your own T, and so looking for reasons not to like the new T. I know that's a strong statement, but I'm thinking of me and my own T. If I had to quit with him and find someone else, at least at first, no one would fill his shoes, and being with another T might just remind me that it is not my old T and immediately I would not want to be there. I don't know--do you think any dynamics like this might be going on between you and the new T?
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I never had as strong of a feeling as I do now with this new T as I did then.
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If you don't have a good feeling with this T, then maybe seek elsewhere. They say that the client can usually tell within 3 sessions if the therapist is a good "match". Maybe you are figuring this out early. Maybe not. Keep thinking about all this and I think the choice will become clearer. If you are not sure, you can go back for a second session and see how that goes.
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I don't want to bother my old T with having to try and find another person. My Pdoc who said he would help me find someone, but his suggestions have fallen through, said he would be happy to help but when I talked with him he seemed reluctant to continue helping me even though because of my situation I have very specific requirements. Before I moved he said he would help, but now he just seems annoyed. I don't want the same thing to happen with my T.
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Maybe ask your T for one more referral. And if that one doesn't work out, can you look on your own, without referrals? Since you have very specific requirements, that might make looking on your own easier--you can screen the Ts on the phone to see if they meet your minimum requirements, before setting up an appointment.
Good luck. Moving is always hard--very discombobulating.
