I was just thinking about when I used to work in the human services. I worked with adults with developmental disabilities, mental illness, and dual diagnosis. I LOVED my clients, truly. Each one was an individual with strengths and weaknesses, and I just enjoyed being with them, working with them, watching them grow. Sometimes at home, I would think about them. And sometimes I would see something somewhere that reminded me of one of them.

That is really a very helpful thought. Very. I mean (and I used to work in healthcare, too...so I know what you are talking about) how much more a part of their hearts are we when we werent nearly as close to our patients?

I wasn't even an individual T to any of the clients...it was a group setting, but we had enough of a relationship for them to be a REAL part of my life. I think everyone thinks about work outside of work, so when people who work with people are thinking about work, they're thinking about...the people they work with.

You are so right- that is a very insightful comparison. I also used to (and still do) think about patients I have had. And even though I still do and anyone would, I STILL wonder if I am in her thoughts....she has a lot of patients she sees. And why should I be in her thoughts? Im sure there are nice, more interesting patients that she has. Patients who make her laugh and she can relate to. I guess I dont feel worthy of her thoughts. Sounds awful. But...its the way I really do feel.

It's so hard to imagine what it's like to be our Ts.

I want to imagine that. She must really need her vacation. To come back refreshed and rested. But knowing how much she is needed. Just that thought would give me the courage to call. If I were her, I would want my patient to make it through the week. To know I am with them even though I am away, resting and taking care of myself. If I were her and I cared the way I think she cares, Id tell my patient to call. And since she did tell me to call, why am I looking for a reason? My reason is I need to hear her voice.

But the REALITY is that we actually ARE part of their lives...not the biggest, or most important...but a part, for sure. And I feel certain that they don't flip a switch in their brains and completely forget a part of their life just because they're not at work. I know they're not pining away for us like we are for them, but they don't forget.

I want my t to pine...but she wont pine....I'll pine and be sad and want her to care in the way I need her to care...and want her to nurture and give me more time....and decide to get rid of the desk....and come and sit next to me.....and tell me she missed me.........wont happen....

But I miss her anyway...she shows me in so many ways she cares and.....

I wish I felt whole and didnt need a freakin therapist......