I struggle a lot with feeling like I owe others.
I don't feel like I owe T to stay there and work it out, but rather I owe it to myself to be myself. Even though this was escaping to safety, it was an honest reaction to what was happening at the moment. We talked about it, about how I was telling her how I felt right then about work and dreading returning the next morning after a few days off. One person I was dreading having to be around is someone I have enjoyed also. I was fully aware of that but .. I was telling her how I felt at that moment. And she was telling me that other times I have said I enjoy this person. It went back and forth and I felt like we were sparring. And I felt again that she wasn't hearing me. I can say these things now, but in the moment I was only aware of feeling my pre-session tiredness increase.

It was later, when we talked on the phone, that I could put the words to the experience. And even then I could not put the emotion (anger) there yet. That took the next session to get to.

I'm glad it went this way, because the session on anger was so important and so needed. That session really helped her and I identify a huge obstacle. I have repeatedly denied anger. It's an obstacle in therapy because I shut down in fear of my own anger. So hearing her say that my anger is palpable... well, now I have no reason to deny it because I'm not fooling anyone.

I feel like I should have a T-shirt (hehe) that says "I admitted to anger...and I survived!"