W2H,
this is very familiar to me as well. I'd never really thought about it. I knew it happened, but I didn't think about it more than that. When *I* see bl**d, i gag or get faint. I worked at the Red Cross for 2 years and there was a lot of that. We took a tour in the bl**d dept and i was seeing stars and getting dizzy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanttoheal
If I see bl**d, it freaks me out. I saw pictures of some things she dealt with within the last few years and if I had been present in my brain, I think I would have either thrown up or passed out. Even the pictures were too much for me. But she was able to deal with it with no problem at all, calmly and effectively according to T and daughter.
|
When one of my school kids had a bl**dy nose, I went into care mode, but still was nearly throwing up and I think my mannerism was that of one of those mean, stern, no-nonsence nurses.
But I have dealt with other cuts and scrapes with kids, skin coming off and the whole bit - calmly, carefully, nicely like a caring mom, seeming older than myself, dutiful, skilled - the kids don't even cry. I know i do go into "calm during crisis mode" and it is different than myself. To the point when i fell down the stairs once, and thought my ankle and toe were broken, i was asking mom for help and SHE was panicking - nearly dropped her cerial bowl. I remember saying to her "Mom - can you please be calm so *I* can panic?!"
Quote:
|
T said though, that she (I in that capacity) was limited in what she could do. While this part was older, she lacked (and I suppose still lacks) a lot of the emotional skills of an adult. She can clean up, bandage and take care of children (even fixed up my children when they got hurt), but when T talked to her about other (emotional) things, this part of me apparently could not comprehend it.
|
this too is familiar. yes, for this aspect of myself there is no emotion. I can see clearly all the way back to being 3, on a trip with my parents. There was a bad accident (dad pulled in front of a semi, while towing a trailer I had been riding in) and i had literally just crawled through the hatch window and gotten in to a seat belt *right* before it happened. Mom was ***Hysterical***. I was completely calm, and had become the adult. I pat her arm and looked at her cut finger (which she doesn't even remember) and soothed her, told her everything was ok, we were all alive. The trailer and my playpen were each in 3 pieces - I would have been killed - that's why mom was so hysterical. But I dried her tears, kept saying to her we're all alive, even put the bandaid on her finger after mopping it up with a kleenix.
In fact, now being able to look at timelines without diss-ing out (and the "ah ha" of my now spinning head/ringing ear), that was the trip right after mom's mom died, where when left with my dad's mom, she SA'ed me and then my mom on this camping trip not a few months later did the same SA to me (and i think that was my first alter switch - with both of them - as the animalistic WILD ONE that comes out when attacked or threatened. Neither had ever seen this behavior in me before and could not calm me (so i am told). Then to have this other "calm in crisis" older alter come out in the same trip (we were just miles from home).
But i do have that "calm self" in emergencies that comes complete with a later arenaline rush, headache, and stomach problems (all things that come with alter swaps for us).
Thanks for the awareness.