Thank you Schatze & Sky,

Not really back very well. Thought I was feeling a little better then when I was at my Mothers home cleaning things up after my GP appointment onThurs. it all started going down hill way more than I ever thought it would. I hadn't been down there for 6 weeks & really didn't think I would have the problems I have ended up with. I wasn't feeling too bad then went out into the garage & we had to spray to kill the black widows that took over. I really started feeling sick at that time & when I spent time sorting out the cloths....I totally broke down....walked out into the back yard & started watering the lawn to get away from it all & get some fresh air & just couldn't stop crying. Luckily my husband was there & he had to drive home because I was way to dizzy & hands were shaking & think it was an anxiety attack that hit. By the time I got home....I was getting the chills, running a temp, the nausea was horrible....my husband thought it might be the insectiside so I called my GP & asked him if it was possible for it to be a reaction to that....he told me to go to the ER & have them check....I was really dizzy, sick & shakey.....not a shape to be in around my horses. They took an xray to rule out pnumanitis (sp?) & found nothing in the lungs but said it may take a couple of days to clear it out of my system. I have so many allergic reactions that I wouldn't be surprised if there was some reaction to that but more than likely a combination of everything.

It's been 3 days & am not feeling any better & the dizziness is getting worse not better. Concentration is really terrible along with total anger attacks to everything arround me including my dogs (I know there is a problem when I get mad at them). I decided to try to be with my horses today & ride for a short while....my pore horse....I bridled him & got up on him to walk over to the dressage arena. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't going where I wanted so I tried to pull his. head to the left & he pulled it farther to the right....duh.....brain had quit.....I had his reins crossed so he was going the way I was pulling....I felt so bad I ended up getting off of him, fixed his reins, kissed him on the nose & broke into tears.

The really stupid thing was that when I saw my psychologist on Wed, she & I thought things were going well enough to cut down the sessions to every other week. I wasn't going to see her until after my dressage show July 10....thinking I would be so involved that my mind wouldn't have any room for anything else. I called her Thurs & talked a little about what was happening. She wants me to write down what I was feeling & thinking while at the house....maybe now we will be able to figure out more of what is going on.

She knows that I am going to get a divorce from my husband & I know that I have to get through this because I have to clear out the house to sell it before I am ready to get the divorce going.

I really haven't been feeling well enough to even use the computer much....I never thought I would ever feel the twinges of a headache with all the med I am on for the migraines but seems like my whole body is falling apart again & can't afford for that to happen just before the dressage show....gotta get my act together...no excuses.

Hope you all are doing better than I am right now,
Debbie