I have been trying to motivate my adult (32 yr.old) son to find a better job/career inorder to be able to support himself and become independant. After high school he got an Associate's degree at a community college, but never did anything with this. Instead, he has always worked nights, parttime (3-4 days a wk.), cooking or bartending in local bar/restaurants. He has been living in the "rental" house next door to me for the past 13 years. He pays no rent, electric or water. I bought his car for him and pay his car insurance. When he isn't working, he is at home, alone, playing games online and drinking beer & Wild Turkey. He doesn't seem to have many, if any, friends. He has no social life. He doesn't seem to have any motivation to do anything other than what he is doing now.
I have told him that I would pay for school if he wants to return. I have also told him ,if he can find a better job / career in a different town - anywhere - I would help him relocate, or even move with him, (although he would have is own apartment and pay his own bills then.)

I realize now that I enabled this situation, although at the time it started, about the time he started Comm. College, (1996), I felt it was a good choice. (But I wasn't in any position to make good choices at that time.) In 1996 my brother committed suicide; 6 months later my mother died from cancer, and 2 months after that my Dad committed suicide. I was very depressed and in shock for many years. This is when we moved to our current homes, and when my son lost his motivation. Then my husband of 14 yrs left me and this added to my problems. I'm sure my son suffered from depression from this all too.

Also complicating my son's mental state could be an issue with abandonment by every male influence in his life. His father left when he was 3 and has only contacted him once since then. My brother lived with us off and on for 10 yrs just before his suicide. My Dad committed suicide. My husband (my son's stepfather) left us. He had very close relationships with all of these men. And then I'm sure seeing me so depressed for so long had an impact on him too. He does not want to see a mental health counselor. What can I do as a mother to help motivate him?