I understand where you're coming from. It kind of goes back to the imbalance of power idea, for me. I tend to feel like T has 'got it together' and is more composed and healthy than me. He probably is! But in my mind, I think that means he can help me better than I can help myself.

I have a hard time understanding that he can help me help myself.

I also want my improvement to be really clear. I want to say, "Oh, suddenly I see the difference! I feel so much better now!" but healing doesn't really work that way. Which makes it very hard for me to see the progress I *am* making.

When you have this idea of T saving you, what does it entail? That might help you figure out what you really need.