thanks for replying
i dont feel physical sickness rather mental unpleasantness, it does get depressing thinking about it. im off on holiday to australia in a few hours and this is why i choose to discuss it as it has been on my mind for the last few days. i have taken it on holiday before and it does taint things- i do enjoy miself but since this problem i have never been able to be really excited or positive about going to do someting as i fear it will be on my mind and it usually does.
it began when i was 12 when my mum bought me a game for my PC,i was chuffed to have it and found it unusual my mum buying meone. and for a joke in my mind, i told myself it wud remind me of somone i didnt like at school, one of those "wudnt it be funny if" moments i guess. and instead of forgetting about it it stayed in my mind. it wsnt him tht was in my mind, it was jst well, this problem now. i just like- didnt let myself forget it. I dont know why, i was always a worryer when i was a kid and thts why i placed this in anxiety. since then wen something good happens like holiday for example i get this negative block. Im not necessarily an unhappy person, im always smiling and laughing, its just when it comes to these situations! hope this gives people a better understanding, i havent told many people how it started , but it needs to be said. thank u