Hello. It is 1:30 in the morning here in the Uk and i cannot sleep so am surfing online. I need some advice and support and i hope someone can help.
I am feeling very very hurt this weekend by friends who accuse me of not having depression and guilt tripping them. They are all unwell themselves. Some of the comments have been very hurtful and i know they want me to respond to them but i will not do so as that will inflame the situation. Instead i forgive them. I know they would reject my forgiveness but i do sincerely forgive them, even though their comments have hurt me very deeply.
Anyway i need to know if my feelings are truly depression. I have taken online tests which put me in the moderate to severe depression bracket. I have been depressed on and off since the mid 1980s. Since my Mother died they have become more frequent. I just feel life is not the same anymore. I have frequent spells of not sleeping, i feel a huge sense of lonliness and other symptons that i cant discuss as that would break the rules of this forum.
I have hidden my depression from the outside world for many years. Maybe that is my undoing. Maybe because people see me laugh and joke at work they think, oh she is alright. Sure there are times when yes i am fine and i am genuinely laughing and joking but there will be other times when i hide my true feelings and not let on i feel down.
And now all of my friends accuse me of not having depression. I am deeply hurt by that. I have only known them a year, but they have all made very hurtful comments online. But i forgive them.
What can i do? How can i make this right? I know my friends hate me, there is nothing i can do about that. But my question is am i depressed? I think i am. But now i am doubting myself. I am in tears over this.