(((((((((((((Josie Sullivan))))))))))))))


I haven't told most of my friends that I'm depressed mostly because I don't want to explain it. Like you, I put on a good outward front. I laugh, joke, and pretend I'm fine even when, on the inside, I'm falling apart. Part of my being a private person is that I don't discuss my true feelings a lot of the time, so no one realizes what's going on inside of me. The friends I have told about my depression have been supportive, and I've been lucky in that, but they were all very surprised and a couple of them just stared at me while they tried to wrap their heads around it. Still, regardless of their reactions, I decided a long time ago that I simply couldn't afford to be ashamed of my illness. I did not ask for my depression, it just happened to me, and all I can do is focus on fighting it.

Depression -- or mental illness in general -- is very stigmatized and misunderstood. You're going to come up against people who won't believe you, who think that your illness is the product of personal weakness, who think that you're just trying to get attention or who think that you're simply a pessimist who needs to "think happy thoughts." The thing is, you probably already have all those reasons for feeling bad swirling around in your head right now. Your depression is telling you horrible things about yourself -- you don't need to listen to other people to feel bad, you already do. I know it's hard, but try not to take what these people are saying to heart. Forgiveness for what they've been saying is noble, but it doesn't mean you have to believe them too. YOU know you feel bad, YOU know something is wrong, and it's up to the professionals to decide whether you are truly mentally ill. I'm glad you're seeing a counsellor, and if she wants to refer you to your GP, I would also go. The first step on the road to recovery is figuring out what the problem is, then getting the appropriate treatment. Do this for yourself. You don't have to feel this way.

Welcome to PC. I hope you keep us posted on how you're doing.