Hi Vicki.......nice to see you!

I shall try and answer your question........

As the Father told me today, the divinity I catch glimpses of are called "signs" and they are everywhere for people to witness......but the spirit must be receptive in order to see......divinity.....I knew they were significant, but couldn't put a spiritual meaning to them.......I mean, I started to look past the wonderment of science, and see divinity in things that were not there before......such strong feelings about everyday things.....and I thought i was maybe delusional or extra sensitive.......not for a minute did I think that they were a "sign of God".

My relationship with God has been rocky......a bit of history to explain my angst.....

I went to strict Roman Catholic schools all my school life.......I have been a "scientist" since I was a child and spirituality was not really important.....when I got to high school, I excelled in Theology even if my faith was conflicting. The nuns and priest encouraged me to join the Convent when I had completed my Bachelor in Theology.......maybe they saw something in me, and asked me to become the head of the Liturgical Committee at school.

I organised masses, arranged vestments for the priest, and become very involved in the organisation.......I even picked passages from the Bible to analyse and picked Theological Essay questions for the younger grades(remembered all of this today, had not thought of it for a while).....

All the while I fought with the Nuns and questioned and rallied.......my faith like a tennis match......back and forth.....I loved God intensely, but could not assimilate that He existed.

At 16 I lost my mind to a degree......the horrors of my childhood rose up, my mother had an affair, and I felt such deep moral rage, that I became imposssible.......I lashed out at my beloved priests and Nuns more and became openly defiant, even aggressive. They became worried and strongly suggested to my parents that I see a psychiatrist......that hours of Confession did nothing for me and only made me more distressed.....so I did see one but was pulled out after one session, due to my mothers secret fear of being exposed I suppose.

So, I left school and shunned dogma and the Nuns cried.......I was not angry with God, but our love was over.

Now, I have wondered recently what kind of Nun I would have made and would my divinity experience been any more powerful if I had been? To answer your question, how did I go so far from God......and what kind of divinity am I allowed to witness? Things are surfacing and I am being asked to face them.......I am sure that all spiritual beings from whichever denomination experience this at some point in their lives.......

I am not dogmatic but still study Theology.......and occassionally I speak to my priest and my spiritual angst is removed for a time........

Thanks for asking Vicki.......sorry for the long reply......but I thought a bit of history might help you understand where I am coming from.....

Hugs

Michah