rupture, hi and welcome! it's good to have you here. life sounds really rough for you right now and i'm sorry.

one thing that stood out about your post is...it's sounds like you have a very good understanding of what's going on with you. you have pinpointed it and examined it. i have a question for you...can you use those same skills of insight and reasoning to help yourself? you have awesome insight. use that same insight to figure out the help that you need...whether it be therapy, meds, yogo, etc. just a suggestion? i SO wish i have the insight and reasoning that you have. i think i could help myselves better.

gl and please let us know!

kd