Hi Kimmy and thanks for the support.

It's a mixed blessing - being able to see what is going on with myself so clearly. Imagine being super hungry and then realizing that all your favorite foods are suddenly right in front of you... Then you also realize there is a sheet of unbreakable glass between you and the food - so while you can see it, and smell it and are sooo close to it - you just can't reach it.

What is worse? Not seeing it or seeing it and not being able to reach it...?

There are three parts to me - one which feels like a complete failure, one which feels like a complete failure but does everything in its power to not let anyone see any sign of weakness - and the other part that sort of sits with this bemused smile and wonders how many times the other two parts got dropped on their heads...

The problem is the last part - while a strong foundation - tends to be very quiet and gets lazy - letting the other two parts run freely - only popping out long enough to do minimal damage control.

So it might be nice to be able to recognize the problems and causes -- and even the solutions- but it doesn't mean anything if they seem to be always just out of reach.